If i come over, it means nothing
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
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I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
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My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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