not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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