I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
