wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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