His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Randomize
