My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
