I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
