yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
