she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
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