My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
