Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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