is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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