this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
