i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
