wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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