i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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