So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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