Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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