A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
