Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(850): View more from Florida

You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys

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(847): View more from Illinois

Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back

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(970): View more from Colorado

I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises

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(416): View more from Toronto

I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.

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(430): View more from Texas

If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!

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