ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
