Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Every concussion has its silver lining
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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