apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
