It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
