He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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