I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
