Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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