Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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