and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I didn't notice because vodka
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
