And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
