and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
As shirtless as possible
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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