i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
