So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
