I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
