Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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