They should really pass out barf bags in church
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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