i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
