all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
