I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
