i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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