I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
too bad you live with your parents still
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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