i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
