I cannot find my penis.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
