So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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