Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
