Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
