dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
