More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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