I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
