I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
