It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
