This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
