awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
