There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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