new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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