my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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