I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
