I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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