if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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