Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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