Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
