I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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