I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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