1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
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