Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
