oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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