i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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